Restaurant Review

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I ordered the Caprese salad at the "Artist Cafe." And I liked it. But you have to know what you are getting at the "Artist." Since some of their stuff is not so very very very good. The ownership is Greek, unashamedly Greek. I have read the work "Naked," by the writer David Sedaris, and I know about this. This kind of person is going to do as he pleases, as they pleases. As they please --- whatever. Definitely they are not going to go down on their knees to some schmuck they don't even know, who just walked in off the street, and they have never met them?, or had them over to the house? You are a just another customer at the "Artist Cafe." You are not fake-friended, like the other places do. Probably you are a complete failure, also. I'll bet you are. I'll bet you are a failure as a human being. I'll bet you work either at the Fine Arts building, next door, or at the "Hall" formerly known as "Orchestra Hall" now known as simply "Symphony Center" [insert trumpet fanfare, please].
     Do you get the picture? Their customers have no other choice of a place to go.
     The venue is very busy during lunch hour and it is usually empty at other times. This venue has no business plan, but it needs none. They are happy. Which is what life is about, isn't it? The "Artist Cafe" is run by real authentic human beings, and, as such, it is more like a human being than a business. Like any human being, you can encounter the "Artist" in a good mood or a bad mood; this mostly depends on which dish you order.
     Maybe if you deserve a good dish, then you will get one, you schmuck. I mean, "friend." Who knows? Everything is in flux, here at the Artist Cafe on Michigan Avenue.
     There are no comedy clubs in the area.
     These persons are dead serious.
     Do not ---I-repeat-do-NOT--- order the three cheese grilled cheese. This inspired and special piece says to me: "for you, a schmuk who comes in here and orders the grilled cheese, we make this special." But if your ambition is to be a waiter, or waitress, and you don't have a clue, here is a place for you.
     The waiters here - mine was an 18 yr. old man who acted like Bela Lugosi doing Count Dracula of Transylvania - are oddly unskillful. And, oddly enough, this boy gave me no love, no emotional support. Here you are on your own and, come to think of it, the "Artist Cafe" which is conveniently located on the 400 block of South Michigan near Roosevelt University, gives new meaning to "self-service."
     I sincerely hope you enjoy your visit,

     Jack Silverman
     (restaurant reviewer)